On Shadows

when the moon goes away
during the daytime
we are still aware of the darkness
on the other side of the planet

and when the fire burns bright
during the winter
we are still aware of the deep chill
just outside the circle of warmth;

so am I aware of the madness
that lies in wait beneath my surface
settling like a dense fog in my mind
visible only by glancing to the side

and so too am I aware of the line
that thinly separates my quaint life
from the spiral of insanity
known to stalk and follow and creep up on me.

-L

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march 18, 2017

Dear Self,

You cannot take back the last few months. They have happened, and you are in this place. Please allow yourself forgiveness. These last few months do not mean anything about your character, or your worthiness of love. They have been a muddled time, a time of hibernation, of confusion.

You do not have the answers but you have made a decision – to move to New Mexico. Now, you must wait til then, patiently and impatiently. With kindness in your heart – not only for others, but for yourself.

Do not despair. You are vibrant. You are loved. You are smart and kind.

You are deserving of happiness, if you allow it to enter your bloodstream.

-A

On Anxiety

Torn,
always.
          Between my desire for adventure
and my fear of the unknown.
          Between my desire to experience it all
and my fear of what I do not understand.

It is true that I have become bolder as I have aged,
but it is also true that I have become fonder of standing still.
          Is it my destiny
          To be always
          Either
          Sprinting
          Or
Suspended ?

-L

anxiety

in the same way that
water drips from the faucet
and breath rises and falls

you are not chains, not fences
not a sunrise
nor sunset
bleeding red to black
black to red

this morning when you woke
you felt the familiar ache in your limbs
and gut

and a series of images and
sounds line the walls of your
foggy memory

what have I done?
and why did I do it?
and how will I mend what I
may have broken?

and not tomorrow
but now

and not with your thoughts
but with your
presence

in the same way that
water drips from the faucet
and breath rises and falls

you find peace

-A