You cannot take back the last few months. They have happened, and you are in this place. Please allow yourself forgiveness. These last few months do not mean anything about your character, or your worthiness of love. They have been a muddled time, a time of hibernation, of confusion.
You do not have the answers but you have made a decision – to move to New Mexico. Now, you must wait til then, patiently and impatiently. With kindness in your heart – not only for others, but for yourself.
Do not despair. You are vibrant. You are loved. You are smart and kind.
You are deserving of happiness, if you allow it to enter your bloodstream.