when the moon goes away
during the daytime
we are still aware of the darkness
on the other side of the planet
and when the fire burns bright
during the winter
we are still aware of the deep chill
just outside the circle of warmth;
so am I aware of the madness
that lies in wait beneath my surface
settling like a dense fog in my mind
visible only by glancing to the side
and so too am I aware of the line
that thinly separates my quaint life
from the spiral of insanity
known to stalk and follow and creep up on me.
You cannot take back the last few months. They have happened, and you are in this place. Please allow yourself forgiveness. These last few months do not mean anything about your character, or your worthiness of love. They have been a muddled time, a time of hibernation, of confusion.
You do not have the answers but you have made a decision – to move to New Mexico. Now, you must wait til then, patiently and impatiently. With kindness in your heart – not only for others, but for yourself.
Do not despair. You are vibrant. You are loved. You are smart and kind.
You are deserving of happiness, if you allow it to enter your bloodstream.