light like feathers

I love you, he says
and I hear him,
and I don’t wish it were any different

The next morning,
when his truck won’t start,
we walk up the hill and
push each other into the snow,
light like feathers
laughing
floating

Today, I try to fight back tears
feel the weight of frustration that
I can’t accept
don’t accept
the love that people offer me
the love that he offers me

I wrote in October that
I want to think of a relationship as
a small, moving piece in the whole of my story,
not the focal point

I want to accept that love is not a promise,
but an acknowledgement
of who we are to each other
right now

How do I allow myself (not force myself)
to feel through the static
of past trauma
without giving it the power
to define who I am and
how my relationships are
today?

-A

Author: City Sister and Mountain Mama

Lindsey and Autumn of citysistermountainmama.wordpress.com

2 thoughts on “light like feathers”

  1. If something causes you pain or triggers you then look at it. Don’t push love away or run and hide but ask yourself why does this (whatever it is scares me so much) when you can dig deep and understand why you behave the way you do then you can heal it and change the behavior. An easy way to get started would to be to think about those things that scare you right now. Let those fears come up and look at them..if you can figure it out while you aren’t triggered then it might help you not get triggered again.

    Liked by 1 person

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